Too often, I find myself wishing that I were a certain way more often than just enjoying the things that I enjoy. Worse than that, I will deprive myself of things that I want, for fear of people think that I am a follower or copier and not original. My “hello” sweatshirt for example, that I am wearing in my photo up in the corner. I almost didn’t get one, because everyone has one and I didn’t want to feel like a lemming. But guess what, buying and wearing that sweatshirt makes me happy, it’s cute and cozy so I don’t care. Baaa.
I have been so much happier recently, being me and embracing all of the little things that make me, me. The biggest takeaway so far from reading The Happiness Project is to start truly being Colleen. Finding the things that give me sheer joy in my everyday and allowing myself to do those things. I’m not talking about existential happiness (today) I’m talking about other, more material things. Like not getting embarrassed when Ashley Simpson pops up on my iPod, or not sharing my blog with people who I know because I they may think that it’s a narcissistic pastime. Because maybe it is. But that’s just part of who I am. Maybe I am a bit narcissistic, but I certainly can’t help the way that I am, and it is certainly not what makes me wholly a person. It’s a piece of me, so why do I have to feel guilty about it? I don’t get why we do that to ourselves. It’s idiotic. I have always had a huge irrational fear of people thinking that I think too much of myself. I feel like being humble and unassuming is much more likable. I don’t want to appear that I am “trying” too hard. So dumb. In the realm of things that matter, do imaginary opions that other people have of me matter more than my happiness? Yeah, no.
I won’t feel embarrassed to have twinkle lights up in my living room and posters on the walls instead of fancy art. Yes, I’m 32 and I decorate like I live in a dorm. Sorry. I will read YA books, and listen to Avril Lavigne. I will copy every trendy thing that I like, because trends don’t dictate what I like, they dictate what is available to me. I will blog my ass off and take pictures of my food and or coffee when I want to. I will happily hop hobbies and interests at will, and I won’t be mad at myself when I suddenly lose interest and move on to the next thing. Because without fail, it’s gonna happen.
Figuring out that I am utterly happy being un-apologetically me, Colleen, who watches at least 2 Friends reruns a day at minimum…is pretty bad-ass. Practice being un-apologetically you and see what I mean.